F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Some time in this week a question struck me. I had this conversation with myself:

Inner self: Hey, do you have friends?
Me: What…..of course….what sort of a question is that?
Inner self: who is your friend?
Me: Lots of people…………what is it with you today anyways?
Inner Self: Name your closet friend.
Me: Well you see I have a lot of friends at different levels.
Inner self: you dint name
Me: (Thinking hard)
Inner self: I am waiting…………
Me: You k now I have a bad memory. So here is what I will do. I will write the names of my friends down.

I took a pen and the thought who is my friend. Ya I know a lot of people. Like really a lot of people. But a friend is some one I would
1. Be close to
2. Share secrets with
3. Enjoy their company
4. Talk to them

Though the list that I had in mind with some 3000 names started to look like this

1. Kanwal: ya she is my friend. She is smart, intelligent, kanjoos (miser). I like her because I think there is so much to learn from her. She shares her top secrts with me and seeks my advice on personal issues while I tend to seek her advice on professional as well as personal issues. Even if we are not seeking advice it is nice to have some one you can take the burden to and just talk to them and end up having a amazing three hour conversation on everything and anything and come back all fresh as if you have had a good night sleep and are fresh to take on the next day. That’s her. My friend Kanwal.
2. Sana and Hira: Sana, Hira and me! We were best buddies in uni days. The kind of girl group that has stay overs at each others house to study but end up talking all night long. We knew absolutely everything about each other. But that was then. Sana got married, moved away, has a baby now. Haven’t spoken to her in ages. Do not even have her cell number anymore. But I know one thing about her and me, even if we meet up after 10 years we will be able to pick up from where we left. Or so I think. Hira on the other hand is here in the same city as me. But I got married and she is on her way to become a top notch corporate female. Mostly its me who keeps bugging the bug (her) because she is one friend I do not want to loose.
3. AJ: He got married, moved to Lahore and has a baby and we never talk except for occasional email or two, I was really glad when he made it a point to meet me and my hubby gee when he was here. It was such a great lunch. Had he been here in Karachi with wife Sobi, I am sure we would have become couple friends.
4. Sadia Manzoor: Talks a lot when we get a chance but other than that it’s mostly quite between us. But someone I can rely on if there is a uni get to gather.
5. Hasan: I do not know where he is and what he is doing. But I know he has changed a lot from the Hasan I knew at uni. But he is still a friend.

I can go on to increase the list but then the rest of the people are those whom I talk to when i get a chance.

After the above, it got me thinking that I am nobody’s friend but my own. I miss friends only sometimes. But I am mostly content with myself. But I don’t like what I have realized. I want myself to be friend of others.